


Cupid's Got a Shotgun

by xXFacelessXx



Category: Zombieland
Genre: Horror, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-26
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2013-10-23 06:35:48
Rating: T
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,925
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9431837/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/4437104/xXFacelessXx
Summary: Atlanta is the cousin to Columbus. She is the complete opposite of him, too. While he suffers from OCD and many other things, she loves getting down and dirty. However, when they meet Tallahassee, she starts to become a bit weaker than her tough-girl persona. (Tallahassee x OC) (Takes place during the movie.)





	1. Chapter 1

"Come on!" She yelled to her cousin. "Hurry up, you little shit!"

"I don't want to get eaten!" He hissed back and she rolled her eyes.

As he warily made his way to the gas station restroom, she glanced into the review mirror. Her honey hair was tousled so that the bangs fell over her right eye and her visible eye shone with determination. She was pretty damn lucky to have her brother come and save her from the zombies, but she still thought he was pretty pathetic. At least, pathetic for country girl standards.

Not a second later did a shot ring through the air as he ran from two zombies. She smirked and watched with amusement. He managed to make a loop and tried to quickly unlock the door. Instead of succeeding, he dropped the keys. He made another circle again and came back. Then, she unlocked the door. He glared at her and got inside quickly. He managed to get his belt on and then drive off.

However, they both let out a yell of surprise when they found a zombie in the backseat. She decided that it must have gotten in when they both went into an abandoned store to get some food. He swerved the car and she managed to strike it in the head with her crossbow. Then, a rough slam made them both jolt forward. Thanks to their seat belts however, they both stayed in the car and the zombie flew head-first out of the windshield.

"That motherfucker!" She cried when she saw it charge back at the car.

He had a Hell of a time trying to load his gun, but instead, he hit a few buttons and the wipers began to hit the zombie. As the zombie was distracted, he loaded his shotgun and managed to shoot the zombie in the neck. She let out a holler of laughter as her cousin got out and shot the zombie again. For a minute, there was silence.

"Hot damn!" Her laughter pierced the air. "You got that one good!"

The next day, they were forced to travel by foot down the highway. She carried her backpack over her shoulder and glanced at him. He was hilariously scrawny for a guy his age, and his hair was a brown mop. Her blue eyes then went back to watching where they were walking. The highway was deserted. Besides the toppled cars and random things strewn everywhere, of course.

The sound of a car made her and her cousin turn. A black Cadillac drove towards them at top speed. They began to run forward and she almost tripped a few times. They collapsed behind another car and got their weapons ready. The car drove past them, but then turned so the driver was visible. She groaned as her cousin ran over to a motorcycle and put it upright. The idiot was using it as a mount for his gun. She made sure she had an arrow in her crossbow and looked down the sight.

A man got out of the Cadillac. He was wearing cowboy boots and blue jeans, something that she admittedly liked to see a man in. He also wore a hat and sunglasses. He stood there for a moment and then removed his glasses. He threw them into his car and pulled out an old-style gun. She couldn't tell quite what it was, but at the moment, it didn't matter. She stood up and walked up behind her cousin, who was now standing to face the man. He was trembling terribly. Suddenly, he let go of his gun with one hand and made the hitch-hiker symbol.

"You are such a fuckin' retard." She rolled her eyes and promptly smacked him upside the head.

They got into his Cadillac, which was fully air-conditioned. She slung her bag off of her shoulder and tossed it in the backseat beside her. The man kicked the bike back over and she rolled her eyes yet again.

"Thank you." Her cousin smiled and got in the passenger seat, he looked behind them.

"What are you lookin' for?" The man asked with a curious expression.

"Oh, I have this list.." She could tell her cousin wasn't quite sure on how to address it.

"No one back there besides her and my bag." He gestured to his cousin, and she threw him a sneer.

"What's your name?" He asked and looked at the man.

"Stop." The man said. "No names. It means we'd be gettin' too familiar."

Then, he pulled a knife from his console. A chill went up her spine.

"Y-you almost knocked over your achohal with your knife." Her cousin tried to joke, but the man just grabbed the bottle and took a swig.

"So, where are you headed?" The man asked.

"Columbus." He stuttered. "My cousin is headed to Atlanta. You?"

The man handed Columbus a shot, but he handed back to Atlanta. She smirked and nodded to the man.

"Tallahassee." He said before taking another long drink. She downed the shot and smiled at the familiar burning sensation in her throat.

"More?" He asked and Columbus shook his head. He reached back and took the shot glass from her.

"Nope." Columbus replied. "One and done. I don't want her drinking anymore and that's what I always say."

"You know," Columbus began to try and bargain with Tallahassee. "Columbus and Tallahassee are both east."

"So?" He asked and raised an eyebrow.

"So, Tallahassee," He replied. "Wanna stick together? At least for a while?"

"Here's the deal Columbus.." Tallahassee looked at him and then back at her. "This goes for you too. I'm not easy to get along with and I'm sensin' you're a bit of a bitch, Columbus. So I give our relationship to about Texarkana. Same for Atlanta."

"Hey." She shot him a warning glance.

"Really?" Columbus piped up. "You'll take us as far as Texarkana?"

"You're a peppy little spit-fuck, aren't you?" Tallahassee chuckled humorlessly and began to drive.

"He certainly is." Atlanta joked. "He's best for zombie bait. He can run around while I actually do something useful."

"You might wanna buckle up for safety." Columbus looked at him.

"I can already tell you are gonna get on my nerves." Tallahassee replied dryly.


	2. Chapter 2

"It's a goddamn Hostess truck."

"I know."

"This is so fuckin' dumb."

As they all traveled together, they were quick to learn about his one weakness. Twinkies. Atlanta thought it was pretty funny for a grown man to love Twinkies that much, but he didn't think her teasing was too funny.

"You coming?" He looked to Columbus.

"Yeah, one second." Then, he began to stretch.

"Are you fucking with me?" Tallahassee started laughing and looked at Atlanta.

"I swear, I cannot be related to him." She muttered, being already halfway down the hill.

"You ever see a Lion limber up before it takes down a Gazelle?" Tallahassee asked him.

When she heard no response, she snorted and slid down the hill the rest of the way. Tallahassee followed close behind and Columbus carefully made his way down. What they found, was not what they were looking for. As the grown man before them began to throw a fit, her cousin grabbed one and opened it.

"I like coconut." He said and Tallahassee turned to him.

"I hate it." Tallahassee replied. "Not the taste. The consistency."

After they left that, Tallahassee was forced to soon pull over and let Columbus use the bathroom. In mild amusement, Atlanta watched Tallahassee mess around with his knife. When he noticed she was staring, he turned to her.

"You like what you're seein' or somethin'?" He asked.

"What if I do?" She replied and leaned back.

"Are you hittin' on me?" He asked and approached her.

"Maybe." She smirked and when he got closer, she placed her foot on his chest to shove him back. "That wasn't an open invitation, you know."

"Really?" Tallahassee tilted his head and brushed her foot aside. "I could'a swore it was."

"Well, guess again partner." Her voice had taken on a flirtatious tone and she tipped her hat.

"You are a strange kinda woman." He chuckled.

"Alright, let's go!" Her cousin's voice came from the other side of the car.

"You have to be strange to be related to him." She smiled and patted his chest.

As they began to head down the road again, Atlanta took the chance to glance at Tallahassee. He was pretty damn attractive on her standards. It was obvious he knew what he was doing with a gun and was a pretty smooth talker. He could obviously hold his liquor and she began to wonder how he looked without a shirt. She then shook her head and looked out the window. They ended up stopping in front of a beat up car that was blocking their path.

"Alright, you steer and we'll push." Tallahassee looked at Columbus.

"Okay." Columbus muttered and walked around to the front.

"I heard there's a place untouched by all this crap." He said as Tallahassee and Atlanta began to push the car.

"Back east, yeah?" Tallahassee grunted.

"You heard the same?" Atlanta looked at him and began to use her shoulder to push it.

Once that little blurb of conversation was finished and they moved the car, they got back into their own vehicle and Tallahassee drove around it. As they drove, Atlanta hummed little bit of It Happens by Sugarland. It kind of summed up their current situation nicely. However, Atlanta thought about replacing 'It' with 'Shit', so it was 'Shit Happens'. The thought made her chuckle a bit.

"The last time you went twenty toes." Tallahassee's voice broke her out of her thoughts. "The last time you put Percy in the playpen. Wallpapered the closet. Passed the gravy?"

"Had sex?" Atlanta cried out with a laugh. "He's still a virgin."

"No!" Columbus replied harshly. "Last time was three weeks ago, in the back of an abandoned FedEX truck."

"Shut up." Tallahassee grinned.

"No, really." Columbus was only digging himself a bigger ditch. "I was headed east and she was headed west. Then, we took shelter in the back of a truck."

"What was her name?" Tallahassee looked at him and Atlanta smiled.

"Beverly." He replied quickly. "Beverly Hills."

"You dog." Tallahassee chuckled.

"What about you?" Columbus looked at him.

"Me?" He looked out the windshield. "I-...Aye, aye, aye..."

"Makes you...makes you sick." Columbus gestured to the bloody scene before them. "Makes you wish you could go back to the way things were before. It makes you-"

"Hungry." Tallahassee muttered darkly.

"I worry about you." Columbus gave him a frightened look.

As they drove past the scene, Tallahassee swung his door open and nailed the woman right in the face. Atlanta laughed at the gesture and then leaned back in her seat. She closed her eyes, hoping to get a nap in.

"What about you, 'Lanta?" He looked at her with in the review mirror.

"What about me, what?" She opened an eye and looked at Tallahassee.

"When was the last time you had sex?" He asked.

"Is that any of your business?" She felt her cheeks getting a little red.

"She's a virgin." Columbus piped up. "Her last boyfriend dumped her about four months ago, if I'm counting right."

"No fuckin' way." Tallahassee grinned and chuckled.

"I'm going to strangle you in your sleep, Columbus." She replied and rubbed her forehead. "You better hope them damn zombies get to you before I do."


End file.
